This week saw me receiving a compelling job offer from my old company, which I ultimately said yes to. Contemplating this offer dominated my week. FIRE is going to be paused while I go out in the world and run this errand for a bit.

FIRE: Day 127 (11/2)

Gym and Spanish as usual.

I was preoccupied with a happy hour I had this evening. It was with yet another coworker (MO) who reached out from my last job. This was the least friend-like ex coworker of any I have got together with, which made me suspicious about the purpose. I figured there might be talk of me going back to work there, and that was all but solidified when I found they had fired the architect who replaced me a week earlier.

To get my head right, I wanted to take a look at our FIRE finances, to sort of settle in my mind that yeah we really do have enough money and no I don’t need a job. That exercise really just confirmed what I already know, that if anything we have too much money when you consider the kids will eventually be grown and on their own. By the time BC has graduates from college, we will have an extra $1K/month free in our FIRE budget.

The meeting with MO was really pretty good. We talked a lot about our international gap year, and then as predicted the conversation turned to work. He made me a really compelling offer of coming back and having it look however I want it to look. I could take the architect position I used to have, a different architect position, or we could even work something else out. He mentioned that the architect position I used to have would provide good work/life balance because it’s just one team instead of the usual two.

I ended the night feeling like this was a burden. Those feelings aren’t real, it’s just from intense socializing on the heels of a lot of other socializing, an intense topic, a couple beers, and being tired.

FIRE: Day 128 (11/3)

Gym, Spanish, and a lot of contemplating.

The day was dominated with considering the job offer from last night. I had Claude paint a financial picture if I did the job for a couple years at my old pay. Somehow it feels both like a lot of money and not much. The bottom line is that at the end of two years we would have an extra $1K/month forever in our FIRE budget. That seems like a lot. The grand total net worth change is $300K, and that lump sum doesn’t seem like a lot on top of our current net worth. Overall the financial angle does seem impactful, but we also don’t need that extra money.

The downside of taking this job is that I will lose all of my free time, and the work is likely as uninteresting as it always was. Considering my days around here are not super productive, losing my free time may not be a big deal. It really is nice learning Spanish and going to the gym without a set schedule, but the rest of my hours in the day are not worth much.

I have yet to latch on to something I really want to dig into as a hobby. There are things that sound good which are also not practical. I would love to spend more time on forest hikes and camping, but I can’t be away from home that often, nor do I really want to drive that much. Same thing with through hikes and climbing 14ers.

When you FIRE with kids you are still on a M-F 9-5 schedule by proxy. If you’re stuck on a business schedule anyway, with your kids away at school all day, and your wife often working, is there a point to not having a job? Is it better to exchange my free hours for really good pay? Maybe I’m forgetting how bad work was.

I made a list of pros and cons and I’m not sure it is helping anything. The main line of thinking I am having is that if this opportunity is teed up for me, and I can have a high paying tech job, what is the down side of taking it? If it’s terrible I can leave. While that would be the end of me at this company, it’s probably the end if I tell them no in the first place.

FIRE: Day 129 (11/4)

Gym, Spanish, and more contemplating.

Today was more of the same lines of thinking about this job opportunity. It ranges from heaviness to excitement. I think I have settled on taking it, but the thought of that freaks me out from a variety of angles.

FIRE: Day 130 (11/5)

Today I committed to pursuing the job offer. I texted MO and let him know I was interested. He called a little later and said I made his week. We discussed pay at a high level. I told him if they got me to the same ballpark as my prior pay, I’m good. He thought that sounded good and said he was also going to try to get my tenure back, which was unexpected. That would only really matter for the rate at which I accrue time off, and severance if I get canned in the future.

After sending that text I immediately became sad and nervous, but mostly sad. Almost profoundly sad, and it feels suffocating when I’m alone. Not sad necessarily that I made the wrong choice, or that I wanted to undo it, a more bizarre and unexpected sadness.

I keep picturing in my mind the other me who chose not to accept the position. Like literally visualizing other me sitting on the couch using the laptop like I often do. I have the feeling of leaving him behind, and the weird part is I unexpectedly feel sorry for him, and want to give him a hug. I simultaneously don’t want to take this job, and I think my brain is telling me I need to.

In the evening I went to AC’s high school play. I had a hard time focusing on the story because of my mental state.

FIRE: Day 131 (11/6)

I slept terribly last night, getting a 49 sleep score. My mental hamster wheel was running pretty fast, worrying about going back to work. This worry is serving no useful purpose and is reminiscent of overclocked brain I had in Vietnam at one point. It’s too bad we don’t have more control to turn off the worry when there is no action to take.

JC and I took BC to the skate park so he could ride his new scooter and skateboard. We stayed for almost two hours and we got a ton of steps in. I started to feel better as the walk went on, and JC gave me a helpful pep talk.

In the afternoon I went to the gym, but only lifted minimally because I’m really run down.

A little later MO called and gave me the details he worked out with recruiting and HR. They took my old pay and added about 4% to it. They couldn’t restore my tenure, but they are pre-loading me with 160 hours of time off. This offer was really strong considering my pay will be about 25K over the max posted for this position. The 160 hours of leave is also completely unexpected.

AC’s second night of the play was tonight, so I went again with BC. It’s a nice distraction, and this time I was able to pay attention through the whole thing. I felt really good all evening with minimal worry. Hopefully that will translate to sleep.

FIRE: Day 132 (11/7)

I slept pretty badly again last night, but a little better. I got a 60 sleep score. My mental state is slowly improving as I wrap my head around going back to work.

Being Saturday I went for a run, but I ran at a 10 minute pace for just 2 miles. Doing anything is better than nothing I guess.

JC and I went for a couple walks, and I did some Spanish.

JC volunteered later in the evening selling concessions at the school play. I watched some history documentaries and stayed home with Braxton. I briefly considered going to the play for the third night.

A comforting thought occurred to me today which puts some of my anxieties in perspective. This job offer was unexpectedly strong, which means they really want me there. In reality I think they need me there. The longest tenured person on the team retired a few months back, and the next longest was set to retire at the end of this year. They also fired the architect.

They are about to be down to just three fully dedicated people remaining, one of which is just a handful of years from retirement. On top of all that, they were staring down a long interview, hiring, and training process (upwards of a year) to bring in an architect off the street and get them up to speed. I believe this mess of a situation is why the second longest tenured person recently delayed his retirement date by four months.

It feels nice that I can help these people that I have a long history with, who have also been so helpful to me over the years.

FIRE: Day 133 (11/8)

I finally got a pretty decent night’s sleep. Through the day I felt ok, although the work stuff is still on my mind a lot.

JC and I took BC to the skate park and we did some walking. We came back and watched the Broncos game, took a walk, and raked some leaves.

We had FAC tonight since AC was finally available. These moments have to be seized as they are increasingly rare with AC’s busy schedule.